The Ghosts of Prixins Past
by jamelia116
Summary: After Neelix spends his first Prixin with his new wife Dexa and stepson Brax inside the asteroid holding the Talaxian colony, Neelix confronts his past and, with Dexa's help, lays one particular ghost to rest. Neelix/Dexa, Brax, Voyager crew.


**The Ghosts of Prixins Past**

 **A** ** _Star Trek: Voyager_** **story by jamelia**

 _A little "holiday" story - to remind us all of what is really important this time of year._

=/\=

 _Stardate 55460 (or about; time is different here inside Talax II)_

I haven't made many entries into my Personal Log lately. Perhaps I shouldn't call it that anymore anyway, since I'm no longer living on _Voyager_. Old habits are hard to break, however, and since I still send my Official Log Entries to Starfleet via the Project Watson datastream regularly, perhaps it's best I continue referring to this as my Personal Log, too.

There I go again. Off on a tangent. That hasn't happened all that often lately. I'm too busy here with all my duties to be as freewheeling as I used to be, when I was on my own and one of the very few Talaxians I'd find out and about in my part of the galaxy. It's so different now. I'm a member of the Talax II governing council; I act as the primary liaison with Nacona and his crew, our partners in a quite successful mining operation; and I continue to act as the Alpha Quadrant Ambassador to the Delta Quadrant from the Federation. I've had to become much more organized in order to juggle all of these official responsibilities, along with being a doting husband to my dearest Dexa and a good father to my wonderful adopted son Brax. And, of course, soon I will be a . . . what would the Doctor have called it? Ah, yes, he would have called me a "biological father" to that special little one Dexa now carries within her.

I remember how torn I was between remaining on _Voyager_ all the way to the Alpha Quadrant and staying here with Dexa and Brax inside our asteroid, after we chanced upon the Talaxian colony on that very eventful First Contact Day. Now, I can't imagine how I could have ever hesitated. I'd grown to love my _Voyager_ family, of course, particularly Naomi and her mother Sam, but having my own family again . . . well, there's nothing more rewarding. And I do get a chance to communicate with my _Voyager_ family regularly, so that's all good, too. Now that they're home safe, and have destroyed the Borg threat for many years (and hopefully forever), I'm sure they'll find a way to travel here to see me again very soon. Who knows? Perhaps I'll be able to celebrate Prixin with them in person, maybe in the next few years.

During my Datastream contact earlier today, Admiral Paris told me a group of _Voyager_ crew members, including Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay - or rather, Captain Chakotay, as he is now - held a Prixin celebration party at the admiral's home yesterday. He sent me a visual record of those who attended. They were sharing my special Prixin compote and had a decorated Guiding Tree. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the festivities and sent wishes to us for a Happy Prixin, too. A group of reporters were there, and several of them published descriptions of "this new Delta Quadrant holiday" the crew of _Voyager_ had brought back to the Alpha Quadrant. The admiral said he welcomed any chance to celebrate with his son Tom, B'Elanna, little Miral, and "all the _Voyager_ family." He also said he wouldn't be surprised to find Prixin to take hold on Earth, too, since it falls roughly in the middle of the Terran year, halfway between some of the biggest holidays celebrated on Earth. "This is a perfect time for a family gathering."

That was wonderful to hear. I really needed to hear it today. I hadn't felt quite the same about Prixin since the time I died, but today, I was reminded again that we are always in the arms of family, and that we do not stand alone - even when death separates us from our loved ones.

Hmmm. This log entry isn't saying exactly what I wanted it to say. Perhaps I should relate what happened before I spoke with Admiral Paris. That discussion meant even more to me than the one I had with him . . .

=/\=

"Brax, I think it's time for bed."

"Oh, Mom. Can't I stay up just a little longer? I'm really enjoying the story on this PADD Dad gave me tonight for the last night of Prixin."

I shared a warm glance with my beloved Dexa. Whenever Brax called me 'Dad,' it meant so much to me. Dexa has warned me he sometimes does it to get me on his side when he wants a privilege his mother isn't willing to give him. I had to admit to myself that was probably what he was doing tonight. A little compromise might be in order, however. "Brax, you know, once you're in bed, you can still read a little more of the story there. I find reading for a while helps me relax and makes it easier for me to fall asleep sometimes."

He pulled a face, confirming my impression that he was trying to work a con on us to stay up longer. Never try to con a con man, though. I have had _lots_ of practice with that in my time. Fortunately, Brax is a good-natured kid, and Dexa's smile told me she wouldn't mind him reading a little bit longer - as long as he was already in bed.

One of my greatest joys has always been tucking in a little one for the night. I took my godfather/Uncle Neelix duties very seriously with Naomi. Even after she grew out of the need for me to check under her bed for monsters, she liked me to come to the Wildman quarters to give her a kiss goodnight, especially whenever _Voyager_ had been in a stressful situation that day (which, I'm sad to say, was quite often). Even though Brax is a pretty big boy now, he still likes to have his blankets tucked in and to get a hug and kiss goodnight from his mother and me. Sharing this little ritual brings me such pleasure, I'm so grateful Dexa and Brax allowed me to enter their family. It made this Prixin more special to me than any I'd experienced for years. To be completely honest, I hadn't enjoyed any as much since the last time I was home on Rinax, just before the Metreon Cascade severed me from the family of my birth.

Tonight, after Dexa and I tucked him in and hugged him, I admonished him in a very theatrical, obviously mock way, "Not too many chapters now. We'll have lots of cleaning up to do tomorrow. Prixin is a wonderful holiday, but it certainly does leave a mess behind!"

"Why do you think I wanted to stay up a little longer? The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I have to get up to clean tomorrow!" Brax was laughing as he said this, and I had to bend over and give him another hug. He really is a very good kid. I know he'll be a big help to us all when he becomes a big brother.

After we left him to his story, Dexa and I sat together on our couch and enjoyed each other's company for a while. We didn't say much at first, and once we did begin to converse, it wasn't very consequential. One thing we did speak about was when to take down the Prixin decorations. I told Dexa what Tom Paris had told me about the Twelve Days of Christmas, which is one of the biggest holidays on Earth. "We could leave the decorations up for a few more days, if you want, Neelix," she said. "There isn't any rush. The fairy lights are very pretty. Everyone said they were a beautiful addition to our parties this year. I think they'll turn out to be something we do every year. It made the Guiding Tree sparkle so."

I thanked her. They did look pretty. I enjoyed replicating them, as I had during our Prixin celebrations on _Voyager_. I'd told her about how I'd introduced the holiday on the ship that first year _Voyager_ was lost in the Delta Quadrant, to supplement ones the crew brought with them from their own home planets. The captain had been very enthusiastic, since she was trying to keep everyone's morale up at that time in particular, to establish the crew as one big family. They needed something to keep them together, since they all thought they'd be traveling for decades towards their homes in the Alpha Quadrant. No one could have anticipated they'd manage to get back there in only seven of their years.

My mind wandered then, and I couldn't help thinking about that one Prixin: the one which occurred the first year Seven was on board _Voyager_. I guess something showed in my manner or in my facial expression, because Dexa asked me if anything was troubling me.

"Oh, it's nothing, Sweeting. Just a ghost of a memory. Nothing to concern yourself with."

Dexa looked at me in that penetrating way she has. I sometimes wonder if she's a little telepathic. She reminds me of Mr. Vulcan whenever she looks at me that way. Finally, she whispered, "I'm concerned about anything that concerns my husband. I can tell this isn't a pleasant memory, Neelix. I'd be happy to help you dispel that particular 'ghost.'"

I'd been honest with Dexa about my checkered past when we first came together. I shared most of what I'd been through with her, the not-so-honest parts included. I'd told her about Wixiban, and some of my other less savory compatriots, and she was very understanding. She'd told me how devastating it was to all of the survivors of the Cascade at that time. Many Talaxians had had trouble then adjusting to their new reality, with so many people dead because of the Metreon Cascade, and their new status as subjects of a conquering people. That's one reason the people of this colony had fled Talax.

Indeed, the group of Talaxians who obtained the ships which permitted them to flee over 30,000 light years away from Talax had been a less-than-honest group themselves. Their little fleet was a lot faster than those usually available in the Talaxian area of space. Everyone accepted that they must have been stolen from some more technologically advanced culture and adapted for Talaxian use, but no one had ever asked them about the particulars. In fact, her first husband had been part of that group that had "obtained" the ships. She'd never felt comfortable asking him about where they'd come from. Dexa told me she was relieved I was willing to admit to what I did to survive that difficult time, before Kes and I had joined _Voyager_ and learned another way of surviving a long and difficult journey home.

But this memory _was_ different. I had much more trouble relating it to her. This experience shook my belief in the fundamental traditions of our people. I didn't know how I could possibly share with her the destruction of all I had always believed as truth. It hardly seemed fair, especially at this time of our lives, with a new baby on the way, to admit my loss of faith.

But, as Dexa gazed trustingly into my eyes, I found I had to say something, anything to answer her, and preferably as little as possible about what was really bothering me. I blurted out, "I died once, you know."

That shocked her, I could see. She was silent for a bit, but finally she squeezed my hand and said wryly, "Funny, you don't feel like a ghost to me."

I chuckled. "Obviously, I was revived, but I was dead for almost nineteen hours. Seven of Nine used her Borg medical knowledge and nanoprobes to revive me. The Doctor wasn't particularly pleased she could do what he could not. Now that I'm here with you, I've very grateful she did! But I had a difficult time adjusting to my life after death. My 'Afterlife,' I suppose you'd call it."

"Why?" she asked.

I sighed very deeply. Before responding, I got up and peeked inside Brax's bedroom door for a moment, to make sure he wasn't still awake. His PADD was off, however. His room was lit only by the dim little lights that stay on permanently in all the rooms and corridors to help us navigate the total darkness inside our asteroid safely, and he was sprawled on his stomach in his typical deep sleep pose. After listening to his regular breathing for a minute or two, I closed the door to his room and went back to sit next to my wife. I drew a deep breath and said softly, "I didn't see them."

"What didn't you see?" she asked, clearly puzzled by my cryptic reply.

"My family, waiting for me underneath the Guiding Tree in the Great Forest. There was nothing. I died, and no one was there for me. The Afterlife I'd always believed in doesn't exist."

She tilted her head and looked deeply into my eyes, then studied my face for a while. Finally, she said, "So?"

"Don't you understand? Our beliefs are just a story. Nothing more than the one I gave to Brax today on the PADD. It was all made up to make us feel better about dying. It's . . . all a lie."

"Is it all a lie? Aren't we in the arms of our forebearers, back to the very beginnings of life on Talax? We are the children of our parents, and of our grandparents, and all who came before them. Our sisters and brothers shaped our lives as we grew to be adults. Whether or not they left us early through death, they are still an important part of what we are, of what we've become. You've told me of how close you were to your sister Alixia. Isn't her memory a precious part of you? Without those memories, are you a complete person?"

"But our family members won't look over us while we sleep in the Great Forest. It doesn't exist!"

"Neelix, how can you know that? You weren't even dead for a day. The ritual lasts for a week. How do you know you don't need to be dead for that long before your spirit travels to the Great Forest? Perhaps the Guiding Tree knew you were going to be revived long before your spirit could make that journey."

"How could the Guiding Tree know that?" Despite myself, I smiled at her as I took her hands in my own.

"It doesn't matter, Neelix. We _ARE_ the sum of our families. Brax keeps some of his father alive, even though he left us too soon, just as this little one within me will continue the essence of you and me long after we're gone - or so I devoutly hope. Not only our DNA will continue on within her, but so will the love we bear for her and for each other, just as we continue to honor the love our families had for us. It's still there, whether they're literally watching us sleep in the Great Forest or not." She gently brushed my lips with hers and added, "And it's not just blood ties, either, Neelix. Will you ever forget your _Voyager_ family? They love and respect you, just as you love and respect them. You wouldn't expect to see any of _them_ in the Great Forest after you die, yet you are part of them, just as they are part of you. Brax will always honor you as his second father. The gifts you have already given him are so much more than stories on a PADD. You have given him your time and your loving attention, forming memories that will last throughout his lifetime. He loves you. We are a better family because you found us, Neelix. It may be selfish for any of us to want more than that."

I embraced her, and we sat on our couch like that for a very long time. We might have still been sitting there, and I might have missed the Datastream Communication window tonight, if our unborn little one hadn't chosen that moment to give her mother a kick strong enough for even me to feel it as I hugged Dexa close to me. We both laughed, and Dexa took my hand and positioned it so I could feel our little one kicking more easily.

"I can't wait to meet her . . . or him," I said to Dexa, "even though I know I'll have to!"

"That reminds me, Neelix. I went for a prenatal checkup yesterday, while you were busy with the last night of Prixin's preparations. My physician told me she could confirm our baby's gender now, if we wished to know. I told her I did, and she told me. Do you want to know, too?"

I felt my smile spreading so far, I was afraid the skin of my face would split all the way to my ear tufts! "Of course I want to know!"

"That 'feeling' we've had all along is correct. We're having a little girl, Neelix. And I was thinking . . . I know how close you were to your sister. I would like to name the baby Alixia, after her. Is that all right with you?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I couldn't speak for a few moments. Finally, I nodded and managed to say, "I would like that very much. Unless you have another name you'd prefer?"

"Alixia is a beautiful name. I've always been partial to it. So it's settled then. Now I can say, 'Alixia, calm down and stop kicking me so hard. I'd like to get a _little_ sleep tonight!'"

We laughed together, but I noticed Dexa did look fatigued. It had been a trying few days, what with the holiday preparations, and then the excitement of the parties themselves. When I took into account all the emotions stirred up by this talk, too, I was sure it was time for her to get some rest, even if I still had a duty or two to complete this evening. When I asked her if she wanted to go to bed, she nodded ruefully. "Little Alixia and I both could use a nice long nap, Neelix."

I helped her up off the couch and walked her into our bedroom for a well-deserved slumber. After tucking my beloved Dexa into bed, I settled myself down in front of my communication terminal just in time to speak with Admiral Paris, for those precious few minutes we could speak face-to-face, through Project Watson. When he told me about the Paris family's Prixin party, I was very pleased. Of course, my Dexa is right. I am still a very important person to my _Voyager_ family - just as they still are to me.

I'm closing this log entry now . . . but wait. I have one more thought to record.

The conversation with Dexa made me reconsider my beliefs. Maybe Talaxians, once deceased, must spend the entire time prescribed for the funeral rituals to take place prior to internment to see the Guiding Tree, and to be welcomed into the arms of the family members who had preceded them in death. Or maybe the rituals simply comfort the family and friends left behind, to help them grieve and adjust to the loss of their loved one. Maybe our beliefs are really a metaphor for the importance of family, acknowledging that we are the sum of those who went before us, and to honor those who have helped make us the people we are meant to be.

Dexa may be right about this. Does it really matter? If we have faith that our lives mean something to those we love, and as long as we are remembered with fondness by those who come after us, that love continues forever. If we have faith, we don't need to worry about what really happens after we can no longer communicate with the living - unless there really is a phenomenon such as ghosts. I've never met one personally (unless my own death experience qualifies me as one), but perhaps I shouldn't be so closed-minded to think they can't exist in some way, for some people.

I remember a story Tom Paris once shared with me, during the time of year that several special holidays are celebrated on Earth. It was written centuries ago by an author named Charles Dickens, who called it, "A Christmas Carol." If the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future really didn't exist, did it matter? After that memorable Christmas Eve night, Ebeneezer Scrooge became a better and happier man, whether it was "a bit of roast beef" that caused him to have bad dreams, or if a real set of ghosts visited him and sent him on the path to a new way of living, after he'd strayed into bitterness and lost his way in life. He changed from someone who was miserly towards everyone, even himself, and discovered the joy of sharing his wealth to help those less fortunate. In the end, he was remembered with fondness by all who knew him.

I strayed, too, but I'm back on the path to a good life. I never want to stray from it again. I found a sense of purpose and happiness as well, thanks to _Voyager's_ crew. Their faith in me helped me believe in myself again. They taught me so much, and, eventually, they brought me here, to Talax II. With Dexa and Brax, and soon our little Alixia, I have a family of my own once again. I've been blessed by having both families, even if my _Voyager_ one now lives far from where I do at present.

And in a way, I'm also still in the arms of my original family, even though I no longer can perceive them in this life. They died long ago, but whether or not I ever do see them again in the Great Forest, I know now it doesn't really matter. All they meant to me, and the love they bore me, will live on in my memories for the rest of my life. As long as I remember this, I will never again lose sight of the gifts they gave me.

My friendly ghosts will remain with me forever, not just at Prixin, but during every day of my life. Truly, I have been blessed by their presence, and always will be.

=/\=

End

=/\=

 _Paramount owns all of Star Trek. I don't, and make no claims that I do! I simply like to borrow the Star Trek: Voyager characters every now and then and take them for a little spin through my imagination. Since the series ended many years ago, it's the only way they can have any more adventures._

 _Thanks are due to all the creators of the show, especially those who gave us the following episodes:_

 _"Jetrel": Scott Nimerfro & Jim Thornton (Story); Jack Klein & Karen Klein and Kenneth Biller, (Teleplay)_

 _"Mortal Coil": Brian Fuller (Story/Teleplay)_

 _"Homestead": Raf Green (Writer)_

 _And, especially to Ethan Phillips, for his portrayal of Neelix. I'm glad Neelix found a family again. I hope he was always happy with Dexa and Brax in his new life with the Talaxian expatriates in their asteroid, so far away from their original homes on Talax._

=/\=


End file.
